Thursday, May 23, 2013

Frenemy & Parenting Confidence

Urban Dictionary, one of my trusted sources for "hip" information these days, defines frenemy as...

"The type of "friend" whose words or actions bring you down.(whether you realize it as intentional or not) The type of friend you ought to cut off but don't cuz...they're nice... good've had good times with them. U know...they're good people that you can count on to bring you down again sometime in the near future.The friend you may or may not have cornered about their quicksand like ways and keep around because "its in the past"...and so was one minute ago. The person that will continue to bring you down until you demand better for yourself."

If you read that definition and didn't think of someone you know, you're lying. I think we all have a frenemy. That friend that doesn't really add value to our lives. I don't mean that as they aren't valued as a person, I mean they are the type of friend who doesn't make you feel good. 

You would think frenemies would be more prevalent in high school and college, but I truly believe you see them more in motherhood. There is something about comparing others' children and parenting choices that makes people feel better about themselves. 

Honestly, it doesn't really bother me. If someone needs to compare their child to mine for validation, let them. But, I don't have time for that kind of friendship in my life. It's just not worth it. 

Which brings me to my next point... parenting confidence. I was talking to my best friend yesterday about how confident I feel these days as a parent. 

I don't care that my kid isn't potty trained or learning spanish. My daughter and I are figuring out this world together, her as her own little person and me as a parent. 

Picnics on the kitchen floor while wearing headbands (aka princess crowns) has never been more fun!


  1. I agree with you! Frenemies are more common in motherhood. Women love to judge each other...which is sad. When we start having kids we inevitably end up meeting other moms. Some moms are quick to be your "friend" and judge your parenting style. Sometimes very vocally! Several times I've had to nicely excuse myself from a group because I can tell that the moms don't really have my best interest in mind...

  2. I dumped a few "frenemies" last year because they didn't add value and I was tired of their judgements. It was hurtful and still is but I know I'm better off. Now I "date" for friends and quit trying to make anything and everything work with every woman I meet. Ain't nobody got time for that!

    Love your philosophy about parenting! I'm getting there myself. :)

  3. It's so easy to get into that 'trap' of comparing how you parent to how other's do, and comparing your child to another the same age. I think all of us mom's do it. It's great to take a step back and realize you're doing just fine, your kid is doing just fine, and to remember that they will figure 'it' out when they do and won't go to Kindergarten in a diaper not knowing how to count or which color is red. :) You're a great mom!

  4. Shelli, I love this post! Everyone is allowed their own way of parenting and it's great to be different. It's all about how you treat people, not about how you live your own life.

  5. Good for you!
    And you're right...I do have a frenemy. I'm pretty sure we all do!